The Tonally-Uneven Bones

Peter Jackson's King Kong came out in 2005, and we're finally getting a new film from him in a few months. King Kong is a rare non-evil remake, produced because of Jackson's long-held love for the original rather than studio executives, in a dark room, chanting "money money money" over and over in front of a mirror while holding a candle and turning in circles until Michael Bay appears.

I'm pretty sure that's how one summons that guy, anyway.

Now Jackson has made The Lovely Bones, based on Alice Sebold's heartbreaking novel. It's a novel narrated by a 14 year old girl, who watches her family and murderer after her death.

There's a trailer out. You might be able to find it on YouTube but Apple seems to have an exclusive on it so those will be taken down. Studios don't like people to advertise their movie for free without their permission, so stop breaching their intellectual rights, thieves!

It gives stuff away. The killer is never a mystery, so the reveal in the trailer is not a spoiler. The trailer does show some pretty late-in-the-story stuff.

Also, it's an artless mess.

It starts out looking like a family drama, before we are told it's about a girl's murder, by the girl herself. Gear shift! We're now in some technicolour, fantasy-world heaven which for the most part looks pretty, and also contains a superimposed flower on some ice for some reason.

Then suddenly it's Zodiac mixed with a Rear Window knockoff, with a dash of "I know who killed my daughter!" melodrama.

This doesn't bode ill for the film. A bit of dodgy CG imagery is forgivable this long before release; just think of how bad Kong looked in the early trailers for that film compared with the final version. It does, however, speak poorly for the hacks at Paramount who cut the trailer. Sure, New Line have fucked over Jackson in the past, but they've never made his films look bad to the extent that this trailer does.

A great story shot by a great director, though. There's no need to worry, unless the person who conceptualised this trailer gets a deal to make their own film.

Coens!!!

Everyone likes the Coen brothers! Even the people I've met with a strange, seething hatred of No Country for Old Men dug on Fargo. Here's the trailer for their latest, A Serious Man.

It's weird.



Any ideas what it's about? And yet, it looks amazing. An ad for a film which sets up a tone but gives away almost nothing. Amazing!

Here's hoping copyright claims don't get this one removed, like what happened with the Saw goddamn VI trailer I put up. I understand a studio wanting to protect their property - even though copyright laws need big overhauls to fit in with the digital age - but taking down a fucking advertisment? For your film? It's a fucking ad! Ordering its removal means less publicity! You know, the thing the ad was designed to create? Why not bad people from saying the film's title for fear it might breach your intellectual property rights? See how that goes down.

Meanwhile I was going to write about Channel 10's new show The 7pm Project, which is a comedy panel show where the brave decision was made to load the cast with mostly non-comedians, but it was too easy a target even for me, and I felt bad.

That said, I would advise checking out the video page to check out the interview of Sienna Miller and Rachel Nichols. It's the worst-shot interview, possibly, ever. It looks like the camera operator was white water rafting while filming.

Back soon with Bruno and Drag Me to Hell reviews!

Go FVIck Yourself

I don't know why the fucking Saw sequels, which insist on continuing, keep up with the Roman numerals thing. It seems to be an attempt to add some sort of class to the series. There's no need; there's no class, there never will be. Just epileptic editing that's supposed to be... scary? I think? It's surprising they even continue with numbers, since every one of these movies is the same.

Or... are they?

Take a look at the video below. Saw is gettin' politicky!

So Saw Siks is for universal healthcare! And, it seems, it's highlighting the dangers of unsafe playground equipment. Thanks, Saw, for bringing the issue to light for people who might not think about the more important things when they watch their entertainment. Sure, they might enter the cinema looking for blood and entrails, but they'll leave the cinema enlightened, having deep political discussions among themselves as they rise up and say "we are the future!"

Or maybe they'll just head to a CD store and buy the new Megadeth album*.

That clip though, is so ridiculous, the movie should be hysterical fun. On paper. A stupid, sermonising villain, over-the-top violence, idiot characters. The Final Destination, for example, is pretty much guaranteed to be a riot. The Saw movies, though, actually thing they are about something more. They think there's a life lesson wrapped up in the mayhem. Like after school specials for Fangoria readers. That just drains the fun right out of it.

Bring on The Final Destination! Saw IV, go fuck yourself.



*I have no idea if this band still exists or how much crossover there is between their fans and Saw enthusiasts. It just seemed to fit.